"Showing Up for Life: Thoughts on the Gifts of a Lifetime" by Bill Gates Sr.

"Eighty Percent of Success is Showing up."

Woody Allen, Comedian, Writer, Director, Oscar Winner

This is going to be a quick review, because it really was a quick read, but packed with great insights. I decided to grab this book a while ago after seeing a terrific interview with Bill Gates (Junior) and his dad (Senior) on Charlie Rose last year. Around the time everyone was raving about Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell's latest in a string of Bestsellers) here was the perfect example to prove Gladwell's point. 

Gladwell told the story of Bill Gates' life in great detail, outlining just how very impossibly lucky this kid was. But not only did he go to the right schools and live in the right town, he also had the right parents. And I think it's worth exploring how someone who works incredibly hard, and has made a lots of right moves, got a lot of that from his parents.

"Showing Up for Life" is not a Biography at all. It reads more like a letter from Senior to his family: each of his children, and his two wives (sadly, both were taken by terminal illnesses). Bill's maternal mother Mary, contributed a great deal to Bill's incredibly competitive nature. Early on, the Gates family, along with five other families, would head to wilderness for camping trips. Because they pooled their resources together, they were able to secure a cabin on the lake, where everyone could play games, and hold competitions of all sorts. Competition drove almost every aspect of life, whether they were playing capture the flag at Camp Cheerio, or playing a game of cards to see who got to skip out on washing dishes after supper. Mary had a knack for bringing fun to whatever they were doing.

That's a big deal. We sometimes think of these incredibly successful Entrepreneurs and think only in terms of dollar signs. We forget that this was the funnest thing in the world for them. In the Early Microsoft days, coding MS DOS for 12 hrs straight, then grabbing some pizza with your friends before going right back to the office again was really fun. Hey, they were geeks.

Also, to Gladwell's point, the charitable work that Bill and Melinda Gates are now doing did not start with Bill Jr. Some people, myself included, assumed he was an egomaniac, or was doing it because he felt guilty about his dominance in the PC market. Some even believe he just wants a Nobel Peace prize. But those people can't fully understand Bill Gates Jr, unless they first understand the man he strives to be: Senior had been involved with charities long before Bill Gates ever met MS co-Founder Paul Allen. In fact, Mary often asked her young children how much of their allowance they planned to give to charity.  

I thought it was amazing that Mary actually knew the CEO of IBM in the mid-80's, through their joint work with United Way. When he first heard about a little company in Seattle called Microsoft, he remarked, "Oh, that's Mary Gates' boy." And when Bill married Melinda in 1994 (up to that point, she was a product manager at Microsoft) her 'new job' became working on the charitable foundation full time.

And the idea of giving everything away goes a lot farther back than Bill Gates Sr. This would not be the first time Bill Gates was compared to John D. Rockefeller. Rockefeller was the greatest Oil tycoon there ever was, getting in at the turn of the 20th century, and ultimately becoming one of the greatest Philanthropists there ever was too. His legacy, passed down from generation to generation, is everywhere, from Malaria research to working on AIDS treatment, and helping famers in third world countries grow more bountiful crops. Everywhere Bill went, he saw the Rockefeller name. 

I don't want this to turn into a story about Bill Gates, because it's not. All the children are incredibly successful, which is kind of staggering. Bill Senior and Mary, and the way they chose to expose their children to new ideas, and new experiences, are the real story. And though Bill Senior, a lawyer by trade, was always finically well-off, they never seemed to let it go to their heads. In fact, there isn't a trace of ego anywhere with any of these guys. 

I found something striking with Bill Senior: being Christians and very rich, you would think they were fighting new tax bills left and right, as many talking heads on Network TV do. But if anything the Gates family is fighting for more taxes, every chance they get. Bill Senior actually got his start, when he returned from World War 2. The American recovery plan contained something called the GI Bill, which promised to pay for all those who served in WW2 to go to College. It was thought to be costly and extravagant at the time, but it worked: filling the offices and companies with young bright minds which would put America on a path to unprecedented growth. The Marshall plan was also widely criticized; the plan would put money forward to help America's allies recover from the ravages of War, but contributed to a sense of community and stability around the world.

These are two big pieces of legislation Senior picked out to demonstrate his inspiration for 'giving back.' And that's basically what a tax is: giving back to those who paid for the schools, the roads, the police departments that created the society in which you could, say, start a tech company. 

When I said I don't detect a hint of Ego in these guys, its more like, the Ego has grown. Sometimes we say 'WE' to mean our family, or our favorite team, or our city, or even our country (like in the World Cup). But what happens when it grows beyond that to mean the whole world? You feel pain when people on the other side of the world are hurting. Maybe that's why giving away 20 billion dollars, isn't just a 'nice thing to do' for these guys; but rather, it looks like so much fun.

"Dad, the next time someone asks if you're the real Bill Gates, I hope you say 'Yes.' I hope you tell them you're all the things the other one strives to be" 

Bill Gates Jr. Philanthropist, Technokid

"Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature" edited by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams

After another bout of writing, some to do with Psychology, I was reminded of an incredible book that I should share on here, about peeking into the Shadow. This is really mind cool stuff-- a collection of short essays on the 'Shadow'...not to be read front to back, but nibbled on.

If you're not familiar with the term, "Shadow," Psychologists Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung bandied about terms regarding what they thought made up a Personality, namely, what is the process of Human Personality Development. This is all very obscure stuff to measure, of course (being Psychology), but after 20-30 years of dealing with a vast array of Psychological traumatized patients, and finding patterns, some these two mavericks had a great base of experience to draw from. Even more fascinating, they both made detailed records of their dreams, and analysed the symbols therein (leading to some of Jung's most provocative work on Archetypes). What arose, in one form or another, was a theory of development whereby the Human Personality is said to split into the Persona, and the Shadow. Basically, the whole 'Self' (you and everything about your personality) is split into the Good part (the Persona) and the Bad part (the Shadow).

Before I get attacked for using such childish language here, the "Good" part is not necessarily good; its only good because Society says it's acceptable and polite. The Bad is not necessarily bad at all, except that Society says it's inappropriate or unsuitable for public display. (As you can imagine, this means Shadow and Persona traits likely vary from country to country, and change over time, as society's norms change).

Remember when you were in primary school, and a teacher told you not to speak out or make jokes in class. Maybe you liked to ask very interesting or unique questions in class, and the teacher told you to be a good boy/girl, and only ask 'good' questions. Maybe you told your parents you wanted to learn the electric guitar, and they said you couldn't because they didn't want you to hang out with a 'bad crowd.' When we are very young, we are free of hindrances, brashly expressing ourselves, like little Emperors and Empresses.

"I'm hungry!" "I'm bored!"  "I want candy!"  "I'm not sleepy, I wanna stay up!"

Society eventually nudges us in the "right" direction, by telling us what we should and shouldn't do. This is why we need a Shadow. We need a place to put all those 'bad' character traits.

In terms of Personality development, as soon as we learn certain things are 'bad' and certain things are 'good', we subconsciously remove certain elements of our personalities from 'public display.' That is, we take certain parts of our personality and put them into the 'Shadow.' All the things which society says are 'acceptable' become the Persona. The result? Most of us are civilized men and women, following the rules, waiting for the right traffic light to go, and waiting for the right signal to approach and talk to our fellow man, never acting on impulse, always subconsciously calculating to do the 'right' and most 'polite' thing. Subconscious is the key here. To stay sane, and stay congruently in Society, the Persona must act as if the Shadow doesn't exist.

As it turns out, if we are very 'good' people, much of our 'life energy' is trapped in the Shadow. We are essentially living half of our true personality, and putting half our personality, half our impulses and half our desires, in a prison of sorts.

Sometimes, in the midst of a trauma, a crisis, or an emotional breakdown, the Shadow will 'break out of Jail' and let itself be known. Also, if we ignore it long enough,  eventually it will burst onto the scene, with all its wild impulses and outrageous ideas. After all, if we follow the 'Persona' all our lives, and don't feel happy or fulfilled or loved, eventually the Shadow's nagging whispers will start to make sense! Perhaps not surprisingly, in addition to life energy, much creative energy is locked up in the shadow. After all, whats could be more boring, than a movie, TV show, or song spawned from dozens of intermingling 'acceptable' and Politically Correct traits and feelings.

'Meeting the Shadow' not only outlines much of Carl Jung's ideas (which did differ greatly from Freud, by the way) on the Shadow, it also outlines potential strategies for bringing the Shadow to the for (hence the title). The goal is not to become crazy. The goal is not to go on a wild killing spree. Locked up in the Shadow are very good traits, the problem is Society has given broad generalisations to young impressionable Children who then took it to the extreme.

"Don't Yell"
"Boys don't cry"
"Girls don't talk like that"
"Always wait your turn"
"Be nice to people older than you"

These may be good guidelines for young people, but as rules to live by they are ludicrous. Never Yell? Ever? Is it also a bad thing to get mad? Is it a Sin to ask for something, like food, or attention, or love? Also, if an older person is abusive to you (physically, emotionally, etc) should you let them??

As you can see, as we get older, we absolutely must examine the 'over-simplistic' beliefs  and rules we had as a child. If the Shadow goes ignored, it results in lifeless slugs, dead on the inside, from lack of expression, slaves to their childhood masters. Not only are they unattractive to the opposite sex, they are unattractive employees, and unattractive friends. Those who do not reconnect with the Shadow, ultimately become Zombies, constantly in fear of 'crossing the line' and occasionally snapping in a burst of 'Shadow' fury.

I know what you're thinking. Yes, sometimes these 'bursts' where the Shadow demands to be heard can be dangerous and shocking. It would not be surprising to hear that a normally quiet and subdued man woke up one day, mad at the world, mad that he's done everything 'right' and is still sad, lonely, and wretchedly poor, and suddenly gave into all of his Shadow instincts at once, possible attacking or hurting people in his apartment building or office.

Another fascinating consequence (according to Jung's work) of having an overly 'heavy' Shadow, is that we project those 'bad' traits onto other people. After all, if I'm such a good boy, then the only source of 'rude' and 'selfish' behavior in the world, must be other people, preferably people of my same gender, but from another country, or social class. It's incredibly common to hear ourselves or others make comments like "Everyone from [City X] is a jerk" or "I don't know, I just think people who [play badminton, drink espresso, write blogs] are the scum of the earth," and when we hear that, its the Persona bashing the Shadow. The Persona is saying, I don't like these traits so I've projected them onto people who play badminton, or work on Wall Street. Yes, this has dozens of implications for not only Racism, but also Wars. We have a situation in the US right now where Mexicans are being characterized by some as 'unfairly cheating' and 'trying to take our way of life'. Trying to build walls (or in Arizona's case, a fence ) to keep the Shadow away, is at once hilarious, and deeply sad.

If you can cut the Shadow down to size, and bring more Shadow traits to the fore, you can cut down on this insane Blogger bashing. Anyway, the goal here is not to go crazy and delve into the most bizarre impulses, but to get back that energy, that's locked up in the Shadow. The relaxed, cool, eccentric man understands and is curious about his dark side, and occasionally expresses it through art, or poetry, and is never afraid to stand up, and 'selfishly' ask the questions he's burning to have answered. Moreover, if his house is robbed, or his is physically threatened, he needs to channel his Shadow energy to protect them, not be the good boy.


A basic understanding of the Persona and Shadow complexes (that's what they are, just ideas, not actually real 'areas' of the brain, etc) helps guide us to understanding the Ego--how we can tame it, and how we can harness it. Perhaps I will write more about this in future.

Node Zero: "Love is the Killer App" by Tim Sanders

For my first review, I want to go back to the first book that sparked me to get into business. It was early 2000's, and I was working like a dog. At a factory. While I figured out what I was going to do with my life. Everyday after work, I'd get home and eat in front of the TV. Usually around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, there would be some 'Biography' or 'Inside the Actor's Studio' on, and I was always really into those, hearing about brilliant people, and their humble beginnings.

It was around this time that I saw the story of Bill Gates and how Richard Branson started his empire when he was 16, etc. I was buzzing off these 'interview' shows, and there was something about them that really turned me on, I wasn't sure what it was, but each one had a nugget of genius, and I felt that if I could just keep getting the odd nugget of genius, maybe I could find what I wanted to do with my own life.

Flipping the channels one such afternoon, I stopped on a local access show because there was this wild looking hipster guy, with purple tinted shades passionately talking up a new way of doing business. I listened with rapt attention, as this guy, Tim Sanders, tore apart every negative stereotype about the big bad world of business.

"These sharks don't last"..."No one wants to be that cheesy guy at the Office"..."I love my Company"..."The people I work with are rockstars!"

Before I even knew what company he worked for (Yahoo!) and what his 'job title' was (Chief Solutions Officer) I knew I had a lot to learn from this guy. He was living the existence I'd always dreamed of, basically he was a Businessman with a Conscience. No, scratch that. He was a Passionate Businessman! And he wasn't just scraping by, he had landed a huge role at a huge company that had their pick of pretty much anyone for that job. In other words, his 'passion' wasn't a fluke, his conscience, his authenticity was a core element of how he did his job! It was the thing that set him apart from everyone else! At the time, it was a real revelation to me that being anything other than a slimy salesman could be an... advantage in the workplace.

He'd written all his ideas down in a new book, and within days I was delving into "Love is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influence Friends." Tim breaks down his holy trinity of Bizlove: Knowledge, Networks and Compassion. This was so huge to me then, and now, looking back, it's still a rarity to find people who act the way this guy lives.

The idea goes something like this: you can actually have really close relationships with great people in the office, it doesn't have to be cold, and it doesn't have to be cheesy and fake, but you have to have to know you're stuff first. And for that, you have to hit the books, and you have to become a social animal, networking the right way.

In order, reading great books, applying their knowledge, sharing it freely with your growing network, and then, when you have demonstrated to people that you know your stuff, then you can start building sincere relationships with people. If you do that, you'll almost never lose a sale, you'll almost never be undercut by a competitor, because it won't be about dollars and cents, it'll be a sincere partnership, in a sea of Machiavellis.

If you don't know anything, and start making promises to the customer (eg. all your prospects) and then let them down, you are the cheesy guy. You're the shark.

At the end of this great book is a killer Reading list to get the newly indoctrinated on their way, not only Business books, but books on Tech, books on Out of the box thinking, and books on ...Love.

I couldn't recommend this book more highly, and if it isn't already obvious, Tim Sanders' ideas are what led me to eventually studying Business in school, and even doing this very blog. Tim Sanders, among other things, is the anti-Cynic, and I believe, that should be enough to get you to pick up his book. Once you get a few pages in, you'll be hooked.

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